Without any shadow of a doubt, the best interviews in the history of All Football were conducted by Chelsea's in-house television station, Pravda TV, back in 2007. In case you didn't see them at the time, here they are. If you did, why not enjoy them again? Go on, kick back, relax, break out some popcorn, you won't be disappointed to reacquaint yourself with them.The interviews in question are, of course, the infamous clips which dealt with the big issue of the day: who was the most good-looking bloke in the Chelsea dressing room?
The answers made for brilliant TV. Michael Ballack was witty, tactfully choosing boss Jose Mourinho. The two Coles, Ashley and Joe, froze with panic, false rictuses spread across their uncomfortably twitching faces. The hyperventilating Hilario was one shallow breath from asking for a paper bag to blow into. And Petr Cech and Didier Drogba took the question very seriously, considering it so deeply you'd have thought they'd just been asked how to cut Britain's balance of trade deficit. Even the much-maligned John Terry managed to deal with the question in a light-hearted, mature and metrosexual manner. "Ashley's a sweet boy, with all his creams," laughed Chelsea's captain, comfortable with his own sexuality and alpha-male status within the dressing room (with good reason, as we'd find out a couple of years down the line).
All harmless fun. Fun which, of course, the club stamped out immediately, telling the station to stop faffing about and start toeing a strict party line. As a result, Chelsea TV has never come up with anything even half as watchable since, suffering from a washed-out corporate blandness that also afflicts Manchester United's in-house channel, MUTV (especially after they recorded, then pulled, that Roy Keane interview which effectively ended his Old Trafford career). You have to pay ready cash for the pleasure, too. Supporters deserve better.
It doesn't have to be this way. Elsewhere on the Sky programme guide, somewhat incongruously now that Arsenal TV, Rangers TV and Celtic TV went tits up in the wake of parent broadcaster Setanta closing down, sits Real Madrid TV. Free to view, it's a peculiar channel, but one not without its charm, often broadcasting strange slow-motion montages of Real greats of the past roofing shots into nets to the musical accompaniment of mellow ambient house. It's like a cross between the round-up from Match of the Day 2 and Chris Morris's Jam.
Real are also, like Terry, confident enough in their own skin to let a few foreign journalists cut loose in their studio, riffing wildly on the current state of the team in an excellent roundtable discussion called Extra Time. The programme's topics usually take off on wild tangents, incorporating general La Liga and European chat, often ending in heated debates which have little or nothing to do with Real (which, if they're talking about the Champions League, goes without saying). It's a refreshing approach.
Of the English channels, only Liverpool's LFCTV, also free to air, attempts a similar laissez faire editorial approach. A regular roundtable discussion between national and local newspaper correspondents on the Mersey beat – think Sunday Supplement but without having to suffer Brian Woolnough or the raging hangover – often ventures off piste in a Real Madrid TV style, open criticism of Rafael Benitez and his defensive approach occasionally tolerated if not necessarily actively solicited. Liverpudlian beat poets and playwrights are regularly asked to deliver freestyle jazzy paeans to players past. And just about everyone is allotted at least a little airtime to give poor old Graeme Souness a good metaphorical kicking for his hapless early-90s reign. Hagiographies here are hard-earned.
Admittedly, a hands-off style is easier to get away with when the entire club is veering wildly out of control. The news that Randolph and Mortimer Duke from Trading Places had announced their plans to sell Liverpool on Friday morning saw LFCTV's newsroom go demob happy. Barely able to contain their glee, they wheeled in a supporters' representative to gloat. "This is great news," he said, "and it might eventually mean we will finally be able to compete with the Manchester Uniteds and Chelseas of this world." Bearing in mind the current owners are still in situ, this was bold stuff, effectively using official club apparatus to loudly denounce the bosses as a pair of clowns.
At which point, film of Benitez's latest press conference was run, the high point of which being a journalist's exasperation at the manager's efforts to diplomatically sidestep all questions regarding the club's ownership. "Oh come on, Rafa, I've been interviewing politicians all week, they've been sidestepping every question, but can you not at least tell us what you think?!" Of course he got nowhere, but the effort was appreciated.
Like Chelsea TV's irreverent gambit back in the day, LFCTV's off-message approach makes everyone involved seem a little more human, no mean feat in today's rarefied atmosphere of Premier League celebrity. Will a new owner, whoever that may be, crack down on it? Probably. Would it be a terrible shame? Definitely. Let's hope LFCTV keep walking alone – until the likes of MUTV and Chelsea TV are allowed to join them. After all, supporters deserve better.
