Little Pea? Chicharito Plays the Name Game at Manchester United

Little Pea. Not the snappiest of nicknames in English, but when you translate it to Spanish it becomes the name of the latest piece of exotica to grace the Premier League: Manchester United's summer signing Chicharito.

The man who goes by this handle was named Javier Hernandez Balcazar at birth. But as his father, former Mexico star Javier Hernandez Guiterrez, was called "Chicharo" (Pea), on account of his green eyes, it followed that he would be known as the Mexican version of "Pea Jr".

Hernandez likes the name so much that he will have it on the back of his United shirt next term, in place of his actual surname. A bit like Robinho, who obviously thought "De Souza" was far too prosaic for the heir-apparent to Pele. I mean Edison Arantes do Nascimento.

All these nicknames make "Terry", "Lampard", "Rooney", "Gerrard" and "Cole" sound a bit, well, dull. Why not embrace the fact that the Premier League is an international competition and therefore have everybody adopt a nickname?

Let's not leave it to the Mexicans and Brazilians, let's have England's stars with "Wazza", "JT" or "Stevie G" on their shirts.

Or go one better and have the fans' nicknames for players adorning them. It worked for Brazil and Porto striker Hulk (another De Souza), who was so-called by supporters because he wore a green strip when he played in Japan's J-League – and was a darn sight bigger than many of his team mates. It would be a hoot here - especially if rival fans get the chance to vote for which nickname players should have. Imagine cheering for a certain Chelsea left-back with "Cashley" proudly printed across his back.

Or his Blues team mate "Fat Frank". It might be hard to find a family-friendly name for John Terry or Lee Bowyer, but there must be one out there somewhere.

There are a few fatal flaws to this proposal, of course. One is that when they play for England they will end up looking like a really bad stag-do. Imagine the camera panning across the line-up of shirts with "Wazza", "Stevie G", etc on them when the national anthems are being played. It would only take a "Stinky", "One-pint" or "Pieman" among them for someone to direct them to the nearest Easyjet flight to Prague.

Another thing is that British and Irish players' nicknames are a bit predictable. Like Coley, Greeny, Crouchy or Keano, for example. And of course sometimes, on a rainy January afternoon when it is dark by half-time, even the most interesting nom-de-football can look a little out of place.

Take Birmingham's Ecuadorian striker Christian Benitez. In Ecuador or Mexico, where Benitez played before coming to England, having "Chucho" plastered across your back probably barely warranted a mention. After all, you are playing against the likes of Adolfo "Bofo" Bautista or Gerardo "El Borrego" Torrado.

But at St Andrews, it stuck out like a sore thumb. O'Connor, Ferguson, Taylor, Carr ... Chucho. Nope.

So good luck Chicharito, good luck little pea. Let's hope you live up to your cool nickname and it doesn't make you look like a complete plum. Or should I say a complete ciruela.