James T Kirk of Enterprise fame. Moby Dick's adversary, Ahab. Sensible, the 1980s singer. Bird's Eye, the salty seadog powered by fish fingers. Caveman, the hirsute 70s cartoon character ably supported by his Teen Angels.All examples of well known, and well loved, captains. Notice, there isn't a Premier League player among them. Not one.
And that's the way it should stay. So why the seeming obsession with who will wear the armband at clubs such as Newcastle United and Sunderland this season?
It really is the most unbelievable waste of time because the identity of the captain really doesn't matter a jot.
All it requires is an ability to lead 10 men out on to the pitch, occasionally carrying a team pendant, tossing a coin, shaking obligatory hands which need to be shaken, spending a little extra time before the game sorting out the allocation of free tickets and attending the occasional fan talk-in.
For all the nonsensical hype, the role of the football captain really is nothing more than ceremonial. So can people please get over it, instead of spending hours wringing their hands fretting over who will lead their team. It really doesn't matter.
It's important to avoid cliches like the plague, but here's one. Every team needs 11 captains, so it really doesn't matter who has the role on an official basis, it really doesn't. The sooner people realise that, the better.
But no, the debate will go on. It shouldn't be a keeper because they're too isolated. Strikers are rather selfish, they're not team players, or captain material.
Give it to a defender, they're usually the most stoic and can therefore lead by example. Or what about a midfielder, who will be regularly in the thick of the action, at the centre of the heat of battle.
Start worrying about something more important, because it really doesn't matter. Not that Steve Bruce spends his life worrying about who should replace Lorik Cana as Sunderland captain. It's just that people keep wasting his time by asking him:
"I think it will come down a choice between Michael Turner or Lee Cattermole, but I'm in no rush to decide either way," he said.
Whoever gets the nod will utter the usual platitudes about being honoured and making sure they lead from the front. They should be doing that anyway, regardless of being captain. If you need an armband to motivate you, then you're not worth your place in the side.
"When you look at it, we've got a few candidates," Bruce added. "Craig Gordon was captain at Hearts for a while and some would point to Darren Bent because of the stack of goals he's scored and his high profile.
"For me, it comes down to either Lee or Michael. Lee is a real leader on the pitch. He's vocal, strong, a good communicator, who leads from the front and he's in a good position on the pitch to influence things.
"Then you look at Michael and he's a natural captain in a way. He's literally someone the other players can look up to, a steadying influence on the side."
If we're talking cricket, then yes, by all means, the selection of the right candidate is crucial, because at test and county level, it's not just about the skipper going out there to play. It's about much more, in that they have a significant say in team selection and tactics.
Football captains will never be required to be as cerebral as their cricketing counterparts. How else do you think John Terry got to lead his country? He's hardly a Mike Brearley or Mike Atherton when it comes to his tactical genius and clinical grasp of sports psychology.
Why not follow Italy's lead? They simply hand the armband to their most capped player for each international, a far more practical and less time-consuming approach. The Premier League could base it on appearances, or the oldest player in the starting line-up. Anything to quell the needless scrutiny allocation of the role comes under at present.
Newcastle manager Chris Hughton, in the market for a new skipper after the summer departure of Nicky Butt, similarly went into way too much depth when faced with the same query. Will it be Kevin Nolan, Alan Smith, Steve Harper?
Ruling new arrival Sol Campbell out of the running - I'm sure poor Sol was devastated - he said: "We've a lot of players who come into the reckoning. There are a lot of candidates who've been here for a few seasons and been through a lot, and they'll come into consideration
"For me it's more important that you have players of presence and influence who want to show that on and off the pitch.
"Would I rather have one outstanding figure or a group you can rely on with some good, strong personalities? I'd have the latter. I'm conscious we're getting to the start of the season and by that time I will have decided."
Let's hope Hughton and Bruce reach swift conclusions to their ponderings. Not because we give a toss, but just to call a halt to the mind-numbing tedium. In the meantime, here are some other notable captains to add to the list......Cook, Scarlet, Pugwash.
